Lessons I learned from 3 little birds…

As I sit here in my den after weeks of swirling thoughts and emotions wanting to write and share the things my heart has been pondering and at the same time I am slightly anxious to open this drawer that is stuffed to the rim with ideas, lessons, God prompts, Holy Spirit moments, and a lot of questions. It is not one of those drawers that has been neatly organized…it is sort of like that junk drawer that we had as a kid in the kitchen, shoot we have one now, that is the catch all of the things when you don’t have time to put it away or you are not quite sure where to store it.

That has been my heart and mind these past weeks, and if I am REALLY honest its been my heart and mind my whole life and at 41 I am learning to embrace it as a gift not a curse. I am an over-thinker, I love to ponder and wonder all day long..I was told recently I think and analyze things more in my mind than anyone this person has ever met, and at first I thought it was a criticism, but I am learning it was actually a compliment.

So what does this have to do with 3 little birds?

If you know me, you know recently I lost a very dear friend Elise as she ended her battle with cancer this past August. I still can’t believe she is gone. I hear her in my mind leaving me a voicemail saying “Hey Kell, its Elise, I am in carline and had a minute and thought I would call to catch up”, or “I am on the causeway and had a moment, I am headed to doctors appointments and would love to see how things are going“. Some of these messages I still have on my phone, but I don’t even have to listen to them…I can hear her in my heart.

Elise had this graphic that became known as “Every Little Thing” based off of the Bob Marley Song, and it had 7 little birds on a branch…to represent her family. I will share it here so you can see.

If you go in her home you would find lots of images of 3 little birds and there is a fun story behind this…as she was in the MRI machine getting scans she asked the Lord to give her something to listento and that was the song that came into her mind…”Don’t worry, about a thing, because every little thing is going to be alright”. ( I am totally botching this story, if I can I will link her telling it here) The song was 3 Little Birds by Bob Marley, and she just laughed and knew as she would say “God’s got this”.

I could write pages and pages of the laughs the memories and the gifts with our friendship. Even though I have lived in Ohio the past 10 years, we always made time to catch up, you know the friends who you can go along time without seeing one another but when you get together you pick up where you left off as if no time has passed (except the fact that the kids get bigger and there are more of them each time…)

I have so many thoughts friend that I want to share, My heart is still pondering them. I tend to struggle with getting stuck in the start and wanting to have it all figured out…but in honoring one of the lessons Elise taught me I decided to write this post raw, real, and rough in hopes it blesses you as She has blessed me.

Lesson #1: Time is passing by, so Always pick up the phone…

There were many times in the busy moments I would miss her call, I would get caught up in the busy moments and think “I will call her later” and if you know the truth about mom life later never comes…

I will cherish the texts and the times we were able to chat, but I do grieve the missed phone calls, I grieve the space between Ohio and New Orleans and I grieve the times I missed out because of how full my plate can be.

Now I have prayed and chatted with my friend since she has passed. I found myself one day telling her I was so sorry for not picking up the phone every time. I know she would say “Kell, you are so silly girl I totally understand and I love you“, but for me I realized the importance of time…and to cherish it. So I learned to never be too busy to pick up the phone. Even if it is a hard conversation, or a challenging circumstance don’t be afraid of it, dont avoid it…just pick up the phone.

And Even better if you are close enough get together for coffee, we need that gift of presence way more than the other things on our to do list.

Lesson #2: Take time each day to lay your needs before the Lord and remember He Loves you and your family even more than you do.

As I watched Elise surrender and pray for her family, it was so beautiful to me. I loved that we could talk about our fears and worries but in the end she had this trust that was truly a grace. She would take time each day to give her children and husband to the Lord in prayer and it spoke to my heart that tends to worry.

When I lost my baby last year she called and shared with me “Kelley our job is to get our babies to heaven, and as much as it hurts to not have Stella here…you did your job!” “She will never sin, yell at you, sneak out, do the wrong thing or feel pain, try to find consolation in that and know now our job is to work hard to be with them”.

She knew what I felt as she had lost 3 babies, and the way she spoke faith and encouragement over me filled my heart.

Elise and I shared a lot of worries in common and even past wounded beliefs about ourselves and the way I saw her surrender lead to freedom inspires me so much…when I want to worry or fear i lean in to what she taught me “God’s got this” and I imagine them at the Feet of the Father or our Lady wrapping her mantle around them.

Lesson #3 Coffee in a pretty mug with a friend is the best gift you can ask for…

When I had a bad day I could call her, or go over and she would make a pot of coffee and let me just sit. I didn’t even have to explain, she just knew my heart.

That is a gift we can all offer to someone. Time, companionship, and a warm cup to sooth their weary soul.

When I went to visit her during her final week I got her a mug with a butterfly on it, I also got one for myself and a mutual friend so we could have coffee together even though apart.

Its simple I know…but those coffee chats are my favorite memories. Some had tears, some had laughter, some just were quiet as our little ones watched Blues Clues on the TV…but they all counted towards the need I had…To be seen and and loved.

Lesson #4 Surround yourself with Friends who speak life over you and inspire you to grow and step more and more into who God has created you to be.

I know this lesson might not make a lot of sense but I grew up thinking if people said nice things to me they were “just being nice” because they felt sorry for me. Sad, but true.

Elise has taught me to accept love and compliments. To accept that people can even love the quirky things about you. The more you that you become and allow to shine the more others can authentically love you.

She was the friend who did the cool thing first, and that gave me the confidence to step into my version of it…if that even makes sense.

She taught me to laugh at myself in a loving way. She showed me the importance of speaking life over others, but also pausing to accept it when it is spoken over you.

Lesson #5 When life get’s hard don’t let it harden you, let it transform you…

The last time I saw Elise she was resting and I sat in her room and prayed the rosary. I was so afraid that morning to go over to her home, because I knew this was most likely the last time I would see her. I stepped into her room and listened to her sleep. I prayed over her in my heart, sang to her in my mind, and breathed in one of the most sacred moments of my life. I was in a holy place with a dear friend and the Lord was ministering to my heart in that moment in ways that I will continue to cherish and ponder.

Take those moments friend. It is ok to be nervous or afraid…but step into them anyway and know when you do you are not alone.

There are many more lessons to share…to be honest, but my heart is tired. Losing my friend feels like a hole right now and even though I know as the Body of Christ we are connected and she is more present now than ever, I still feel the loss.

I want to close by telling you that if you are in a place of grief it is ok to take your time. It is ok to mourn the moments you didn’t get to have. It is ok to be sad about the moments you missed out on, the times you did not pick up the phone.

What you can’t do (and I share this because I was doing this) is have your sadness discredit the gifts. You can’t let it cast a shadow on the time you had, the memories and moments. You can’t compare your place in someones life to another persons and let that rob you of the joy.

The enemy will try to distract you from the graces and gifts so I want to encourage you to hold onto the gifts and find ways to honor your loved one each day by living the lessons, living the gifts, and sharing them with others.

Elise blogged and it was beautiful. You can find her blog here. She inspired me as I drove home from her funeral to stop waiting for the perfect time to write again. To stop worrying if it is good enough, and to just start. So here are at the start…

I am praying for those 3 little birds (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) to guide me as I write and I thank you for taking the time to read and be with me in this time.

Blessings & Peace,

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