“Depression and Anxiety are not the result of not praying enough”

Newsflash…“Depression and Anxiety are not the result of not praying enough”

I used to think my depression & anxiety was because I didn’t have enough faith with the many times I asked God to heal me. It comes in seasons and the postpartum season is one that used to always catch me off guard.

As a mom of many I’ve had PPD after each pregnancy. Even my miscarriages. The first 3 pregnancies I was told by a therapist I didn’t have PPD. I was told I was just a perfectionist and needed to learn to let things go, so I didn’t ask for help after baby number 4 and 5 because I thought I just had to figure it out. Then came baby number 6. I had depression and anxiety the entire pregnancy and in birth I entered into a very dark night that never lifted.

Panic attacks. Horrible fears of the baby getting hurt. Anger. Rage. Fear. Hopelessness.

No one knew except my family and had to watch me struggle. I told my husband one day “Please take me to the hospital. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m so afraid.” So we found a therapist, I started medication, I started keeping a journal of what I did well each day, and we even did some couples counseling.

I was ashamed for a long time. NOT ANY MORE. This time around I started early…I was on medication and supplements during my pregnancy and my therapy never stopped. I continue to daily journal my thoughts. In Meeting with my doc today for my 6 week he cleared me to start gentle movement, and so now I can start to add in exercise too. I take Naps when I need them. I drink Lots of water. I eat Nutritious food. I also eat cookies and ice cream and have an occasional glass of wine.

In addition to all these things… don’t forget Grace. Confession. Eucharist. Adoration. Scripture. It’s all of it. Not some of it.

It’s not that you don’t have faith. It’s not you not praying enough It’s not because you are a failure. It’s none of that. It’s because you are important enough to be well cared for. And sometimes we need a team. A support team. A community. A village.

We get to choose the village. We need to do it as mamas. Our job is important. Our well-being is too. So to the mama who thinks she is crazy…you are not crazy and getting support and help at the level you need it does not make you weak…it makes you strong. If you feel alone and need to talk I’m here. I’m happy to listen and share what’s helped and helping me. Most of all to let you know you are loved and not alone. And also feel free to share this if you think it might help someone else .