Some Anniversaries are sad…

Some Anniversaries are hard…

Three years ago on this day I took my youngest two for our first ultrasound to see their new baby and hear the heartbeat…It was a sad day in our home to find she had passed…

You might think with how much time past and the fact that we have a beautiful rainbow baby to hold that I would not feel the sting today…But our hearts And bodies remember.

On The feast of our lady of Fatima is the day we had to sit our children down to tell them their baby was not here anymore…It was one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had. I felt like I broke their hearts that day…

The past years have shown me differently We actually gave them a gift. The gift of a sibling to pray for them. The gift To know love even in loss. To know eternal life. To know grief as a sign of love. To know that there is a bigger plan in all of this. To know and dig deeper in understanding God weeps with us too…

Having another loss in 2020 made the sting even greater. How could my body fail? How can I hurt my family? What’s wrong with me?

All of those lies but still thoughts I carried. But I choose today to say that because of Stella & Hope these challenges are formed us into a better family, a stronger family…Watching them meet Judah was one of the most powerful moments

But Judah does not replace his sisters. He is a reminder of the miracle.

Today I am sad. I am angry still in moments. Yet I am also peaceful and I have hope. If you have lost a baby I want to honor your loss. Honor your emotions. Honor how you grieve. Honor you and your family…

I want to share with you the Words I needed to hear.

You are not crazy if you feel sad

You are not silly for wanting to grieve however you choose

Your baby was real. Your baby is real. Your baby loves you so much.

It is or your fault.

Your baby is proud of you and the mother you are.

How you choose to honor them is up to you.

If you feel comfortable please share their name below so I can pray for you and honor you on this day. You are not alone friend. Our babies are watching over us from above today and always.

St. Stella Cecilia Joan, pray for us

St. Hope Agatha Marie, pray for us.