Remembering Stella

Today I wrestled with the Lord…

Today I have to be honest for a moment I allowed myself to lose hope…

Which made me feel like an epic failure because it’s Easter Sunday…

What a “failure” on my part…

I was stuck for a portion of the morning. Wrestling with my own feelings.

Until I paused, prayed, and gave myself permission to feel how I feel and share with the Lord.

Why is today hard?

Last year we shared with the world on Easter Sunday about the beautiful new life we had been blessed with…

And today it hurt my heart ❤️ so much to not have her with us to hold.

I sat at mass in our home and felt like the empty tomb…

Longing for the hope

Longing for the joy

But the grief was loud.

I felt like a Christian fraud. I should be rejoicing. Why am I weeping?

Lord what is wrong with me?

I took some time to be alone to pray. And as I laid in bed I listened to the homily from Fr Dave at Franciscan and he posed the question what if?

What if?

It got me thinking…

👉🏻What If Stella had never been conceived

Our family would be missing someone

I would not have learned levels of love that I gained from her loss

We would not have an intercessor in our family

I would not be the same

Our family would not be the same

Her little life changed us for the better in the short time here on earth and she continues to lead us to deeper conversion and lead us deeper to Jesus as she is with him in heaven.

❤️Yet It is still ok to wish to hold her

❤️It is still ok to long to know her more

❤️It is still ok to be sad, even on Easter…

But in your sadness cling to hope…

💕The hope that the empty tomb points us too…

💕The hope Christ Calls us to…

These beautiful words from our Holy Father said last night speak to me so much and I pray they speak to you…

“tonight we acquire a fundamental right that can never be taken away from us: the right to hope. It is a new and living hope that comes from God. It is not mere optimism; it is not a pat on the back or an empty word of encouragement. It is a gift from heaven, which we could not have earned on our own.”

To my sister grieving today I pray these words comfort you as they did me.

Alleluia alleluia

He is risen ❤️❤️❤️