He is For you…
Do you struggle to believe the Lord wants you? Do you believe he Loves you right now as you are? That you bring him so much joy in your sheer existence? or Do you find yourself striving to be enough, to make up for your mistakes, and deep inside you feel you have to become worthy…
Last night as I watched the most recent episode of “The Chosen” series I was struck by a moment shared between Jesus and Simon…
Simon asked Jesus “what can I do for you/what can I give?” and Jesus’ reply pierced right to my heart…
He said (I will paraphrase) I have everything I need, I have not called you because I need you, I have called you here because I want you...
Jesus does not collect a list of all we do for him as a measure of our worth…He does not see us as a compilation of our successes and failures…He does not keep score.
I think in life as a believer there is this temptation to keep our own score card, and since we are especially good and collecting the things we do poorly we tend to see the challenges we face as “what we deserve” and our value that we have to being as “not enough”. Yet I think that what we long for more than anything is to know that we are wanted.
Repentance is not to earn back love lost. It is not to erase the negatives off of a score care. Repentance is to draw us closer…to let go of the sin, the false beliefs, the self-reliance and pride to make space to receive the love Jesus longs to give us…
To know that we are wanted and loved even with our shortcomings. That we are wanted and loved at our best and our worst. That we are wanted and loved and never forgotten even when the world feels so very dark.
Yet I STILL struggle so much with this…
I doubt my goodness because I look at my flaws as a wife and mom. I look at my failures in my business and goals. I take the fight with my teenager so deeply personal that I see it as evidence that I am not wanted.
LIES…all lies…but deeply rooted in the way I think.
I know the root…the enemy planted that seed of unwanted in me the day my parents split when I was a kid. I am not angry at my mom or dad, I have forgiven them and I see how God has brought so much goodness from that broken place…
The seed that was planted is to not trust people really love me and to be prepared for them to leave…and in that place grew the weed of people pleasing that became a heavy burden to carry…to place every persons happiness on my shoulders and to think I have to earn it all, to hold it all together in order for God to want me…
That burden is heavy, and not mine to carry…
So in the past year I have felt a deep pruning from the Lord.
He has stripped away anything and everything that I could grasp onto to prove my worth. He has allowed storms to rage of fear and worry and the beauty of it all is this…
In my storm, in my chaos, my desire and love has grown for God alone. I just want Jesus.
I just want my children to know him. I want my husband to know him. I want you to know him…
I want to know him more deeply than ever before.
And the first step of this intimacy is in this truth that applies to YOU and to me…
He is for you…
He is always for you…
No matter who has left you, what you have lost, what pain you are suffering, whatever the hurt or struggle…
He is for you…
So my friend take some time to lean in and ask the Holy Spirit to show you where you struggle to believe this…and to shine light on the weeds and the let the Lord start to dig to the root.
As I continue this road of healing, I know for sure that as long as we keep our eyes on HIM…His truth will hold us, heal us, and help us…
And in this journey friend…you are never alone.
Peace & Blessings,
