The leaves are changing and the weather is cooling off.
It’s darker earlier (making bedtime easier).
Time for pumpkin spice and holiday plans slowing creeping up.
So much to be happy about…
Yet for me, this is the season I struggle. Old wounds ache. Old struggles re-emerge. Old tapes in my mind get louder.
I’m not 100% sure why this is the case. All that I know is like clockwork once the fall hits I have a dip in my spirit.
You wouldn’t know it, because I usually keep it inside my house. A few of my very close friends see a sprinkle of the struggle. But for the most past I keep it to myself…
Not any more.
I want to share this with you. I’m not staying stuck. I’m not going to wallow here. I want freedom in my heart and home and I refuse to settle. I refuse to hide. And I refuse to believe the lie that I am alone…
Even though the lie can feel like such a deep reality.
As I sit and pray this morning I asked the Lord why…
It’s a scary question to ask.
I asked him why this again and again and again…
And I’m waiting for an answer.
Wisdom and experience have shown me that healing comes in layers.
So I’m guessing this is another layer.
But to struggle in the journey for me is the difficult part. Perfectionism creeps in and I want to do it all myself. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to hurt anyone through my angry words or fearful heart.
Yet when I try to do it all on my own, I become that which I fear. I live in a locked up cage of pride that is disguised as humility.
I need to let love in.
Not the gushy hallmark movie love…
The LOVE that lives for me. The LOVE that died for me. The LOVE that wills my existence (yes I am Inserting a little of my theology of the human person here ❤️).
Love has a name…Jesus.
And love has another name.
Remember we are made in his image? We are made for freedom. We have been set free.
But the wounds to our Receptivity come back at different points in life and we have two choices.
Fight them alone…ending with us losing the battle and feeling defeated, tired, and worthless.
Or Hand them over.
Refuse to let them be out truth and ask for LOVE to transform us again. Which requires a death to self…(leading to a new springtime ❤️️).
So as I wonder through this season I am going to share.
My hope is this stirs in your spirit a hope that you can find this freedom.
It’s not the world’s sense of freedom to do whatever we want whenever we want…
It’s not even having every day be perfect and free of struggle…
It’s waking through the struggle with peace. The peace that surpasses all understanding.
Open up the word. Let LOVE speak. Be patient. And let the journey begin.