Believe it or not this post is NOT what you think.
Of course as a mom each day I battle several things that can overwhelm me. Messy rooms, piles of laundry, dirty dishes, messy car, piles of papers, toy explosions, and random things you saw other “crazy” kids do before you had kids…and swore yours would never do…just fill in the blank 🙂
I woke up this morning with that kind of battlefield. One of my favorite 80’s songs is Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar, (no this is not a tangent, I do have a point), and I remember as a kid dancing to this song, loving the expressions of those in the music video, loving the music to the point that the song still makes me want to sing and dance when I hear it on the radio. If my life were a musical…I would rewrite the words to this song as I picked up dirty laundry, swept up messes, and danced with my mop…LOL Although her battlefield was a land of “young love” and “broken hearts” where you fight for the right to love. My battlefield is a different one…
What is funny is that the battlefield that we face as moms, wives, friends, etc, is not one centered on the list of things we have to do. It actually, I believe, is based on the battlefield of our mind, our past, our hurts, and our hearts. We want to feel loved. We want to feel like we are enough….and we have to fight all these things that tell us we are not.
For me, I am a doer, I share love with those around me by giving my time, my talents, my energy, my gifts. I will clean your house, make you a hat, write you a card, fix you a meal, all in the name of Love. This sounds great…but here is the catch, if there is a war going on in my heart and head I can make 30 gallons of the best soup on the planet and feed a million families and still feel the scars swelling, still feel not good enough, still facing the war.
When we look at WHAT WE DO as a sign of HOW WE MEASURE UP, we surrender to the war and reduce ourselves to a product. For me this morning I woke up so incredibly overwhelmed by the things I had to do that I actually got absolutely nothing done for the first 4 hours of my morning. I was frozen in fear that it would not get done, I was mad at myself that I fell behind in what I needed to to, and that snowballed to me thinking of all the things I am not in control of, that I can’t get right, that I have ever failed at…. Needless to say, I was beyond overwhelmed and losing the war.
The lies in my head…my own self criticism, the criticism of others, or even the lack of affirmation was feeding this panic.
I sat down once things quieted down, after reaching out to a good friend for help (and after having a mini tantrum), and I remembered something that I heard this weekend as I traveled home from D.C. We are loved beyond all measure EXACTLY the way we are, and we have a GOD who is looking for us…so we need to stop hiding from him (and in my case, hiding my mess). We focus so much on our goals of what we think we need to do in a day that we miss out on being who we are called to be in that day.
The truth is that we cannot win this battle, we cannot untie these knots, and we cannot prevent passing on these struggles on our own. To do so is to engage in a wrestling match with ourselves. BUT, we can surrender the battle, the to do list, the lies, the fear, to the one who knows our hearts and will protect us from future heartache, and shield us when we are weak.
The battle we face as moms has been around for a long time…a battle to trust that someone will care for us, since we spend so much time caring for others. To trust that we are enough, even though we are not yet where we want to be. To Trust that we are lovable, even though others have treated us otherwise. TO TRUST, SURRENDER, and BELIEVE that freedom waits for us in these moments we feel like we are drowning.
I know that one of the BIGGEST lies that I battle as a mom is that I am the only one who struggles. I hope by sharing this with you, that you will see you are not alone and there is hope and healing for you.
SO where do we begin to surrender and let go? I suggest over a cup of coffee or tea that you get out a journal and pour out your heart to the one who made you…and then once you have done so (share your fears, your hurts, your desires, your dreams, AND your to do list), take 5-10 minutes to sit, sip, and listen. Repeat this daily and see that you don’t have to fight this war, it has already been won.
Now as for the laundry, dishes, paper piles, etc….those will continue. Yet, once we surrender the battle we no longer have to measure our worth based on how many checks are on that to do list.
Have a Blessed Week,