This morning in my devotional as I was reading the gospel of the sermon on the mount…
It was as if my heart was broken open to receive it in a whole new way. One that I least expected. One that I never would have seen coming. One that I needed so badly.
As we grow as a family and prepare to welcome our 7th baby into the family this fall, there have been a mix of emotions with it. Mostly good, the occasional scary crazy mamma bad, and a few fears of the unknown.
This first trimester I have found myself feeling exhausted and not capable of doing all I want to do. I hear often “give yourself grace”, “it will pass”, “you don’t need to be so hard on you”. All words spoken in hopes to offer peace and relief.
But for some reason it was not working.
Or maybe a deeper opportunity for grace to build on this small and broken vessel.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, the meek, those who hunger and thirst…
I often think of myself as a blessed mess. Is that one of the extra beatitudes? If so, I would fit in perfectly ❤.
So what is God calling me to today?
The kingdom of God is here in my home. In the hearts of these little ones. In the heart of me…
I don’t always see it, feel it, respect it, or honor it…
In fact some days I simply blow it big time. But that does not make it vanish.
It’s not a genie that only gives me 3 chances to wish for the right thing.
He is a savior who is calling me to something deeper and forgives me over and over as continue to seek.
He is here. In my weakness he is here. In my failure he is here.
And I will be ok…if I stay with my Good Shepherd.
He will carry me through. He will lead me to waters. He will bless my brokenness.
I wish all days were “happy and joy filled”. For me the first trimester is survival of the blues. I have hope though. I have a plan. And I know he is working in me.
So when you hear the beatitudes see how he is willing to bless your brokenness. Bless your weakness. Bless your neediness. For when you have nothing, anday before his Feet…you have everything.
There is a peace in my heart as I walk. There is a thankfulness in my soul. As I sit here and wait for this to pass. I will ask to be transformed and for the grace to have Gods grace make this weak place a vessel as I carry this new baby and our family grows.